The Highly Sensitive Parent

Parenting is my calling.

There. I said it!

I had never even considered it an option before.

(It’s something I’ve been self-conscious about.)

People ask when I’m going back to work again, when I'll resume to life as we knew it pre-baby or how am I going getting my groove back, or my body back. Basically, I believe that these questions are referring to when I will be going back to being the me I was B.C. (before child).

It's all about going back, which I must admit, befuddles me.

All those things seem less important to me now. My priorities have definitely changed. And I've questioned this within myself.

I never lost my groove. I never lost my body.

I changed. I transformed.

My relationships changed, too. With family. With friends. WIth work. (I naively didn’t think they would but they did.)

Becoming a parent is an epic transformation...so why the going back?

When, as a culture and a society, did we lose our sacred reverence for motherhood? 

It’s been hard posting regularly on this digital space, to share things that feel so close to my heart. Vulnerable and important: Ori, motherhood, my work. It all feels too intertwined now...my life's work is, well, my life.

Even sharing a photo of Ori to my personal (and now private) Instagram account, I’ll feel so many things that launch me into overwhelm, like for example, how he’s growing and changing so fast. How I love all the naptime and bedtime snuggles…or how I love those quiet mornings with just us two in the kitchen. He fetches his stool, clambers on top of it, and stands at the kitchen counter to contentedly eat berries while I make breakfast. Sometimes he takes a break from berry eating to wrap his arms around my hips to give me a hug, leaving little raspberry juice stains on my night gown and me with a melting heart.

Just writing about these things make my heart soar, and yet also make my heart strings pull taught at the thought of them…well, changing.

I’ve berated myself for being too sensitive about these things, often admiring my friends and peers who share so openly and manage parenthood with such…gusto!

Then again, this sensitivity was always me.

It’s even more heightened now. Or perhaps now there’s no denying it anymore.

This past week I finished reading the Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You. I loved Dr. Aron’s first book The Highly Sensitive Person, but this book I was very surprised and relieved to see me…well, me described to a tee!

According to research, highly sensitive parents often have a tendency towards homeopathic remedies, as well as parenting and education choices that are not mainstream.

(Check, check, and check)

Dr. Aron mentions that it is not uncommon for HSPs to see parenting as their calling. I felt a great big yes in my body when I read that as it rang so true for me!

I love how she mentions how parenting can be our calling, despite the fact that we (as HSPs) can find it incredibly challenging. We are wired for depth of emotional processing, so we will tend to process…well, everything about parenting, which, as you might’ve guessed, can be incredibly exhausting. Throw in the decision-making involved with being a parent—and it’s never ending!

It was one of those validating, I feel seen moments.

“Highly sensitive parents are unusually attuned to their children. They think deeply about every issue affecting their kids and have strong emotions, both positive and negative, in response. For highly sensitive people, parenting offers unique stresses—but the good news is that sensitivity can also be a parent’s most valuable asset, leading to increased personal joy and a closer, happier relationship with their child.”

Since I tend to focus on how my deep thinking and “strong emotions” about every issue affecting my kid can often be overwhelming and exhausting, I genuinely appreciated Dr. Aron’s empowering view of sensitivity—seeing it as a gift, something that is deeply valued in caregivers and parents.

Being attuned to the needs of babies and children benefits the them—it’s a wonderful quality to have.

I didn’t previously see my sensitivity in that light before, and as a culture I think we not only tend to dismiss sensitivity, but there’s also shame around it, especially towards boys and men. I got a lot of “oh, stop being so sensitive” and often felt like there was something wrong me when I was deeply affected by things. I’ve realised that the very quality I struggle to accept about myself is the very thing that makes me a great mom!

It also explains why I’m so drawn to Aware Parenting, and passionate about it, too. According to Dr. Aron HSP’s are well-suited to advising other parents due to our depth of processing:

“Because HS parents by nature think about situations more, they are in a very good position to advise other parents. This may be done in small ways, in conversations or blog comments, or in larger ways, such as through your own blog or even a book.”

If I was waiting for a sign…well, this was it! Reading that has fuelled my fire to apply for my Aware Parenting instructor certification ASAP! I’m so grateful to have created this space. Thank you again for being here, dear reader. :)

(And, yes, she does mention Aware parenting in the book, too, saying that it does appeal to some HSPs.)

I’ll leave all you HSP’s and friends, relatives and partners of HSPs with one of my favourite quotes from the book, also as a reminder to myself:

“Remember: Depth of processing is your gift, even if it has some disadvantages in that you have trouble making decisions, it tires you out, or you ponder deeply your feelings about parenting and the meaning of your life. This is what makes you wonderful. It is the key to all the other aspects of being highly sensitive.”

Obviously there is no need for an explanation on why I am the way I am or the kind of mother I choose to be, but it helps to understand and appreciate those qualities of myself that otherwise I will tend to overlook, take for granted, question or constantly doubt…so, here's to that!

Here’s to recognising and celebrating sensitivity…it benefits our children, and this planet, too.

Much love,
Lia

P. S. If you feel like you may be Highly Sensitive or a parent to a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC), take Dr. Aron’s “Are You Highly Sensitive?” quiz to find out!

P. P. S. If you’re not familiar with High Sensitivity and would like to learn more, check out The Highly Sensitive Person.