On Willingness & Mask Weari
Mask wearing is a part of daily life here in Hong Kong.
By law, everyone is required to wear one out and about, including children above the age of 2.
Views on mask wearing aside, I personally have accepted that wearing a mask helps ensure the safety of those around me, despite the fact that I have the world’s sweatiest face and wearing a mask simply exacerbates that quality!
I have felt deep sadness, however, at the thought of Ori having to grow up wearing one and seeing everyone around him with masks on. I found myself really struggling with that, and sometimes I still do.
At the time, Ori was 16 months old, but several children’s playgroups required that children even below the age of 2 wear a mask, and I didn’t want him to be excluded from certain activities. I was indignant and stressed about this whole issue. I mean, Ori has just as much of a sweaty face as I do! He’s a hot box…and a mask is objectively not the most comfortable thing to have on one’s face as an adult, so I could only imagine what it must be like for an almost toddler.
I realised that part of my struggle was accepting and acknowledging that the pandemic was and is still upon us. COVID-19 had started shortly after he was born, and part of me had been wishfully hoping that it would’ve been resolved by now. However, it became painfully real that my wishful hoping was going nowhere.
I began by acknowledging my grief, which really had to do with mourning life as it used to be and really feeling just how powerless I felt in the grand scheme of things.
When I released some painful feelings around that, I was able to think more clearly, and how exactly I was willing to approach mask wearing with Ori.
First and foremost, I wanted Ori to be willing to wear a mask. I really wanted him to be willing to wear the mask himself. I didn’t want to force him to wear one or keep it on. I wanted to do so in a way that respects his body and autonomy.
I decided to go gently and give myself plenty of time before the 2 year mark, so I began gently introducing it at 16 months.
I’m a fan of the fabric face masks sold by G.O.D. (Goods of Desire). There is a wire in the top part of the mask, which goes across your nose. The structure allows space between your mouth and the fabric so you don’t feel like it’s stuck to your face. I also love that they’re made from soft, breathable cotton, which incidentally absorbs the mask from my sweaty face. On the bright side (no pun intended), I love the designs that the masks come in, too. If we have to wear them, we might as well have masks that come in patterns and colours that I find pleasing, match with my mood, and look nice for others to enjoy, too. Needless to say, it’s a more environmentally friendly option compared to the disposable masks, and, as you might’ve assumed, the disposable masks are incredibly uncomfortable for sweaty faces. This pineapple print mask is one of my current favorites.
I was pleased as punch to discover that G.O.D. also makes childrens’ masks in the same style. The bonus is that the kids’ masks feature adjustable ear loops to make sure the fit is juuuuust right. This red bandana mask is one that Ori wears regularly.
From an Aware Parenting perspective, play is really useful in supporting tension and stress release, so I began this process by putting a mask on Owen—Ori’s teddy bear—who is a fixture in our bedroom. And integrating some play around it. I think Owen wore the mask for a good 2 weeks or so...and Ori would point to it and I would explain that Owen was wearing a mask like how I wear one when we go out. During this time, whenever we would go out, I would also put my mask with him in the carrier or him watching so he would see me wearing it. I would explain to him each time that I had to put my mask on to leave the house.
Meet Owen
It's not until around 17 months that we've transitioned to Ori using a stroller occasionally. (We’ve been wearing him in the carrier this whole time facing in as I never felt intuitive to me to have him facing out, and I am generally weary of strollers but that is a story for another day.) I felt like it would be a good time to start wearing a mask. The mask came off Owen and started hanging by the doorway. I asked Ori if he was willing to try having the mask on, and managed to put it on a few times at home. He would respond by promptly taking it off.
I waited a day or two, and when we took the stroller out, I explained that we needed to wear masks and put it on him when he got in the stroller.
He left it on and maybe took it off a few times during the walk. Each time he took it off, I didn't put it back on him, just gave him a little break from it. And then I would put it back on when we would enter the building, get in elevators, etc.
I bought him a mask in the same pattern as mine, so he has two hanging by the doorway to choose from every time we go out.
Now he keeps it on when he's out and will get it to bring with him after he puts his shoes on.
I know many people—both parents and child-free individuals alike—struggle with the thought of children having to wear a mask, and I hear how challenging this can be. I realised that my anxiety around mask wearing was due mainly to my own feelings about having to wear a mask myself, and the feelings of sadness and powerlessness that I felt about the pandemic as a whole—which finally led to an acceptance of my current reality.
When I gave myself some space time for those feelings to bubble up, so I could really feel and process them (I’m an HSP, so depth of processing is my jam), I found that I was now 100% willing to wear a mask myself during this time, and the whole process got easier.
At one playgroup that Ori and I attended, one of the children kept pulling his mask off, and began to kick and scream at having to wear a mask during the class, with a very anxious father desperately trying to shush and put it back on him. I felt so deeply for both of them…seeing how un-willling the child was and how desperate the father was to keep it on.
Marion Rose. Ph. D. writes so beautifully around willingness (check out her website or social media for more on this) and as a child and toddler, I think we experience so much powerlessness having to move at the rate that culture dictates. I've found that giving myself time and spaciousness—and Ori, too—can be so helpful with that. I now always factor in extra time to get ready to leave the house, and avoid rushing, to make sure that Ori can move at his own pace to get dressed before we go out. I also make sure to always give him a heads up, say if we have to get ready for a class after breakfast—“Hey Ori, we’re going to eat breakfast and then get changed to go to the park, ok?”
I’ve found that getting myself ready first, then asking Ori to get ready is the perfect system so far.
Giving our children time and space, and remembering first and foremost to give ourselves that time and space, too, can make all the difference when it comes to doing hard things.
If you find yourself having a hard time with children and mask wearing, try out the journaling prompts below. Go gently. #wecandohardthings
Much love,
Lia
Grab a journal or your laptop, go to a quiet nook of your choice, whether it’s in nature, your favourite coffee shop, your bedroom, etc. and write or type out your answers to these questions. Let it all out and see where it leads you.
Check in with yourself.
How do you feel about having to wear a mask yourself?
How do you feel about the pandemic/pandemic life as a whole?Check in with your body.
What emotions are you experiencing? Pay attention to what your body is experiencing.Do you feel safe to be present to what your body is experiencing? If so, pay attention to what your body is feeling and the feelings that you are noticing. Times have been very stressful. Send yourself love and compassion. You are doing the best you can.
How can you best support yourself through this?
Would giving yourself space and time help?
Do you need more time for yourself? Do you need more time to connect with others?
Do you need more time to connect with what lights you up? And what bring you joy?Would additional support be helpful to you?
Who can you talk to about this who will listen with presence and empathy? A therapist? A dear friend? Or try a kinesiology session, craniosacral therapy session or Somatic Experiencing.