Eat, Pray, Doula
We had just moved to Bali - Joris from Holland and me from Hong Kong. At that time, Joris was on a work trip in Mexico City at the time I found out I was pregnant. I happened to be back in Hong Kong for a series of kinesiology workshops. My periods are always like clockwork and I had a feeling something was different. A test confirmed the pregnancy. My anxiety shot through the roof.
I didn’t realize how overwhelmed and fearful I was of birth. The fear was absolutely paralyzing. I went to see a doctor in Hong Kong to confirm the pregnancy. I’ve always treasured holistic health approaches and the very medicalized approach to birth that the doctor very matter-of-factly suggested gave me more of a prenatal scare than prenatal care. We did not jive at all. The appointment left me more upset than reassured and excited. I’m also very particular about supplements and the doctor prescribed a prenatal vitamin with folic acid instead of folate. (For more information on folic acid vs. folate, read this.)
Still panicked and unable to share the news with anyone, I returned to Bali to wait painstakingly for Joris’ return. One of my soul sisters there was kind and understanding, validating my fears. She told me about Ibu Robin Lim, a grandmother, midwife and founder of a nonprofit clinic by the name Bumi Sehat that provided free gentle birthing support services in Ubud. My girlfriend’s excitement was contagious, she talked about how birth could be beautiful, gentle and even orgasmic. It blew my mind! I delved deeper into it and realized that I had been conditioned to fear childbirth from movies, experiences from those around me and society in general. The way that birth is handled in today’s world (highly medicalized, anxiety-inducing, not empowering and sadly in many cases not respectful of womens’ choices or bodies) really did not resonate with me. I was relieved to discover that there were other ways. There was hope!
I immediately paid a visit to Bumi Sehat. They did my blood work, confirmed the pregnancy, suggested a prenatal supplement with folate(!) and were kind, loving and supportive. The experience was far from the prenatal scare that I had received from the doctor in Hong Kong. I picked up a copy of Ibu Robin’s The Ecology of Gentle Birth and found peace in my heart upon reading it. Her words wrapped around me in a nurturing embrace. The whole notion of gentle birthing was new to me, but it spoke to my heart, gave me comfort and really shifted my perception of pregnancy and childbirth. Birth could be beautiful. Birth could be empowering. It had the power and potential to influence both mother and baby positively for life! Powerful stuff. Typically me, I dived right in and delved into ALL THE THINGS GENTLE BIRTH. I’m a speed reader and eagerly devoured book after book, which quenched my curiosity and filled my heart with hope.
A week later I had a miscarriage.
Back in Canggu, I called a doctor who was recommended and who happened to work closely with Bumi Sehat: Dr. Haryasa. He came to meet me as soon as he could and confirmed the miscarriage. I burst into tears on the examination chair, waves of disappointment and sadness washing over me. Dr. Haryasa was so kind and gentle. He told me to take good care of myself, to eat lots of warming and nourishing foods. He reassured me that all would be well, that I would be able to have a baby one day. That this happens. It is nature’s way. I remember he told me that the only thing I could do was to take good care of myself and “surrender”. I remember feeling dumbfounded and numb after that appointment. Surrender? Are you kidding me? Couldn’t he give me a scientific reason why this all happened? Or at least pretend to? Was he Deepak Chopra in disguise? A doctor…telling me to surrender? I was angry. And puzzled.
Surrender…surrender…his words kept replaying in my mind mind those weeks following the excitement of the news of pregnancy to sadness of the miscarriage. Those next few months were rough. My hormones were all over the place. I cried. A lot. I came down with a stomach bug and ran a fever on Christmas Day. It was the sickest I’d ever been in a long time. Upon recovery, I heeded Dr. Haryasa’s advice and spent the next months prioritizing my healing. But the experience had changed me. I came to the realization that for any future pregnancy, I would love to have a kinesiologist doula to support me during pregnancy and birth. How wonderful would that be! Someone who could help me defuse energetic stresses around pregnancy, birth and beyond…do they exist? Maybe I can be that person, I realized. What a wonderful melding of the two worlds. Shortly after having this thought, I somehow stumbled upon the Eat, Pray, Doula training in Bali on Instagram and didn’t hesitate for a moment before signing up.
In March 2019, six months from that moment, I completed Eat, Pray, Doula under the guidance of Ibu Robin, Debra Pascali-Bonaro of Orgasmic Birth and Midwife Mala of Hawaii, beginning my journey as a doula, and birthkeeper, blessed to be filling my cup while fulfilling a major component of the DONA International Doula Certification. After the workshop ended I was buzzing from all the oxytocin and all the love.
I feel incredibly humbled and inspired with the wisdom I’ve received from these change-makers and wise women, the stories they share, and their tireless contribution and healing work to MotherBaby and Mother Earth.
I'm thankful and blessed have spent time in the presence of beautiful, loving doula sisters from all over the world.
I feel passionate about the importance of evidence-based care, empowered birth choices and giving MotherBaby a kind, respectful, and gentle birth...from pregnancy to postpartum.
I’m excited with how kinesiology can help MotherBaby and caregivers in the process.
To the little bean that brought me here, the wise women who have paved the way with love and presence, all those who continue to bring peace on Earth one baby at a time, and my sisters in doula spirit: All I ask of you...is forever to remember me as loving you.
Side note: I became pregnant shortly after the workshop and gave birth to Orion December that year. :)
For more information on Eat Pray Doula Doula Retreats in Bali, please visit https://www.eatpraydoula.com/.
